BROKE PRISONS/BROKEN STATE 9/27/10

As the State of California fiddles with the budget, the state agencies burn. The prison system, which I'm familiar with, is in the worst shape in its 150 plus year history. Inmates are being denied critical medical care and medications-all in the name of cutting costs. Wake up Sacramento! The prison system is in ruins! I've written time after time and no one hears (or reads) but the time is now to do what the federal judges have directed the state to do-get the inmate population to 110,000. That's a no brainer cost cutter. It would save billions of dollars. Why won't the Sac pols do this??? As I said it's the Willie Horton effect. No politico can be or appear to be soft on crime, so the prisons bulge, while free people can't get child care or mental health care. The list goes on and on. The poor always suffer. Hell, most of the people in prison come from poor economic backgrounds. As long as it's the poor and disenfranchised who take the brunt of the budget cuts, hey, that's OK-most don't or can't vote anyway. The politicos use a Nazi-like calculus when cutting a state program. And the poor disproportionately lose out. Is it the way humans have always acted? I think it is and it's this type of backward thinking that will cause the poor to turn on the haves. The rich well-to-do are not stupid, but they historically seem blind to the reality of what is taking place around them. The reality is clear the state is broke and the moneyed don't seem to care. Oh, it's a small inconvenience at the DMV, but nothing else. Well, maybe a fee hike here and there. But schools; child care; food; shelter-not a problem. The disconnect is real and the suffering caused by it is real. I had a long discussion with my cellie about ego. Ego and pride actually. I say they blind a person or group to reality and cause a normally reasonable person to remain in a lost and unreasonable position. This is what is going on in Sacramento with regard to almost all things political. The result is gridlock, but they don't care. The Pols still get paid. And the have not's suffer. Wake Up! Cut the prison population! Restart the various prison rehabilitation programs! Fully fund child day care; mental health clinics; housing options for homeless families and people who are Vets, mentally or physically ill. This would help, as a start, both the inmates and the free poor. Please, something needs to be done before it's too late. As a Vet, I hate what my country is turning into. Let the pride go and do your jobs-all you Pols in Sacramento! Get To It! With love and respect, Veritas

Blog 9/1/10

Well, I've not blogged in a while. My Mom's medical condition has put me in a deep funk. I seem to be coming out of it, but the separation from her and my Dad is the hardest part of this. Yes, it's all part of the circle of likfe, but honestly no one, who loves their parents, wants them to pass. It will mark a point where now I'm also subject to death. Oh, I know at some level I was not going to live forever. But it was not thrust into my conscious thoughts. Now it is and I know someday I too will pass. Being in prison will make for a lonely death. I watched two other inmates just waste away in here to the point that they were takne away to a medical facility where they passed. Both alone, both wanting to be almost anywhere else. Being in prison is bullshit enough; now add outside problems. It becomes a place that Dante would not put in his hell as it is just too cruel. Most of the suffering is self induced. If I was a sociopath, if I lacked the ability to care about others, it would be a blessing: Yet I'm NOT! And my pain and frustration burns holes in my soul. I did get myself into this-coming to prison. And most of my pain I feel is the pain my parents feel not being able to see me; hold me and talk to me and see my face. I miss then both with all my heart, and I'm so sorry I'm not there. I wish them peace as I can't find any. All for now, will blog soon...Andrew

Can't Focus

I've not been able to focus due to my mom's stoke. Its part of not being in prison. As I made other people suffer; so must I and my family suffer. A lot of fellow con's in here go on about "Being Strong", ya well, I'm the one who did the crime yet my family suffers. It's part of the justice system that never is mentioned - in polite circles. My family's suffering is by far the worse, for me, about doing time. I get so frustrated about not being able to help. Other than writing supportive letters. But when my mom has a stroke and her mind is effected. Then what do I do? What do I do if she doesn't remember me? What does that do to me - in my heart. I try to be strong but the thoughts of my mom being pushed around in a wheelchair and not being able to remember me. It crushes me. Yes, the tough on crime people are getting their money's worth with regard to my stay on the state. Maybe someone could help with my mom's suffering. I hope everyone who reads this is well and never ends up where I am. All for now. Andrew

Veritas5509 Update

Have not had much to say as I've been dealing with my Mom, she had a stroke and I'm really having a hard time dealing with how much she has changed. The stroke affected her memory-new memories. She is like a different person and I'm angry and frustrated and sad all at the same time because I can't help her, I'm locked up in prison. Yes, I deserve to be here and I regret my actions that got me here every single day. I just have a chance to repay my Mom, by helping her, for all the Love and Kindness she has shown me my whole life. But I can't so I wallow in self pity and wish things were different. But reality bites when life sucks so my Mom is hurt still by my actions from 13 years ago. I would do or give anything just to see her one more time, but I never will. They can't travel. So we write and I call, whenever I can. I Love my Mom and I wish I was home. Andrew

Still Here!

I'm still here, I suppose any readers I had have moved on. Sorry, I've been busy with some college stuff, and of course Fantasy Football. As for things going on in here - its worse. D yard is locked down most every day now. But the other yards, C yard, are having program. We are always told some bullshit story i.e. short of staff or a truck on the yard or we have to mow the grass. It's all just lies so the staff at $60k - $100k, can just sit and do nothing. In one of my first blogs I wrote about how this correctional officer was just sitting at a desk reading a magazine. It's just crazy. If I worked for a business and sat around with my feet up reading a magazine - I wouldn't be there long. But here it is acceptable behavior. Why? I think it is because of the out of sight out of mind mentality. At the prison that I'm at no CO would dare to tell another CO not to do something. They have some fucked - up code of silence called the Green wall here. It's green because that's the color of their uniforms. Anyway once one CO (correctional officer) makes a decision. Then all the other CO's just back him or her up and go along with it. No matter how crazy. As a result the rules here change week to week on a whim of a CO. This is exactly what hell must be like. I just want to scream. Well needless to say it gets kinda crazy here. I'm sure a poorly run business is like this. With the rules and procedures becoming the most important and the goal of the business forgotten. The goals of rehabilitation are mostly forgotten. I'm told that half the Vocation and education classes on this yard will be canceled on Jan 18th 2010. I've written before about how the only thing proven to stop recidivism is education. Now most of that will be gone. Thus ensuring more crime and more victims. There is a 19 yr old on this yard I know, I'll call him "K". He thinks he's a gangster and everything out there is for the taking. He has very little formal education and just goes along with what the "homies" say. He goes home in just under one month. "K" has not been sent to school, in here, or any type of anger management; drug counseling; communication skills; job skills; or pre release. The circle is about to be repeated because he will come right back to prison. The truth is no one gives a shit about any of us in here. The beds are filled for political expediency to calm the public. But nothing is done to help the men and women put in here. In my past blogs I've written about what tax payers are getting for all this imprisonment. With a recidivism rate of around 70% who can feel that the California dept. of corrections is helping in anyway except to defer crime. I feel all as is I'm just yelling in an empty wilderness. No One is listening. As long as a majority of people are not directly affected by the criminal justice system. The status quo will continue. I just see how even small cost effective changes can be made that might be able to keep one young man from re offending. BUT change takes mass. Mass from lots of people pushing to make change. Mass to say enough to warehousing humans like cattle and to start rehabilitating the inmates. However, there is no incentive on behalf of the prison bureaucracy - the more crime the more over time. With that I'm going to sign off for now. I hope everyone, everywhere and no matter what condition you or your loved ones are in - I wish all of you Peace, Love, and Joy. It's my wish that the family of the man I hurt can find peace and forgiveness. I'm so very sorry. I wish it was me. I'm just so humbly sorry I hope everyone out there can forgive just one other person for a past or current wrong. Because hate is a poison that seeps into our most inner being and destroys our capacity for love and friendship. Under the circumstances I find myself in; words like peace, love, and forgiveness are not very abundant. So it took a lot, a whole lot, or crying and soul searching to find those words and their meanings If I can do it - you can do it. So please forgive someone for the holidays. Make it last and maybe you will find a greater joy than you have ever known. Peace and Happy New Year! Veritas

California Prisons Continue

California Prisons Continue to defy federal judges and play with prisoners lives by having inadequate health care. I live in a California State prison and I can, as I have, tell you that the level of health care is less then I would get in a 3rd world country. The federal courts have rightly pointed to over-crowding of prisoners as the main cause. And for ten plus years the courts and the state have gone back and forth over the issue of health care and mental health care. The bottom line is men and women are dyeing while the states politicians refuse to act. They are so worried about being made to look soft on crime that they are willing to allow inmates to needlessly die. The blame also goes to the Federal judges for allowing this problem to linger and not forcing the California prisons to actually do something. All that comes out of the federal courts over seeing this issue is talk, talk, talk, and the Schwarzenegger administration just talks and files appeals. In the mean time one inmate dies a completely preventable death every week due to this failure by both sides to act. Right now I’m more insearced at the federal courts. You three old men die being played by the California politicos like violins. You old men sit there an act like Moses handing down order after order from on high. While the California politicos are dancing around a golden California and thumbing their collective noses at you. At this point you judges look like fools! And I say stop! Stop allowing the State of California to continue thumbing their noses at you! The three Judge Panel needs to get on with it and issue a final order detailing the process for parole with a date for the order to be implemented. That’s what I have to say on that – for now. I also want to address the various published reports of 40,000 inmates to be released, that’s only part true. The real number to look at is the cap of 110,000 inmates to be housed in the California state prisons. That means at any one time only 110,000 inmates will be housed in state prisons so first the 40,000 will be released; then the county jails will dump all their convicted felons into the prisons system. As a result the state prisons system must parole more people – to stay at or under the cap, so as I said it not just 40,000 to be paroled it’s the 110,000 cap. Lastly a few blogs ago I wrote about cutbacks to prison rehabilitation programs. Mainly vocational training and education. It’s now becoming a reality. The pink slips are going out to the teachers. See, now that is the way the state cuts the fat. It gets rid of the two programs that have been proven to cut future crime and recidivism. This sends a very clear message the state doesn’t care about your safety. With a 70% recidivism rate in the state of California they are all but ensuring that new crimes – thus new victims – will happen. By cutting two proven rehab programs the state of California is simply throwing its citizens to the wolves. If I were governor and I knew that the feds are going to release 40,000 – 100,000 paroles in the next year (about the regular 90,000 that parole every year anyways) I would mandate re-entry classes for every inmate that might possibly be paroled. I would organize countries and cities to begin halfway houses. In short I would do everything in my power to help all the men and women who are about to be paroled. Because it’s the right thing to do and I would have a sworn duty to protect California’s citizens. Because if the state does as I expect, which is nothing, there is going to be a very messy release, when it comes. So Judges and Lawmakers wake –up this is going to happen – plan for it! To the reader: Thank you for reading this. Please try to do something to help all the new paroles. With Respect, VERITAS

Veritas and Football

Well, the football (pro & college) season is upon us. And in prison, at least in my experience, that’s a big thing. I have run a paper and pencil fantasy football league for two years now. I really enjoy it—and so do the other players. There are five buildings on this yard and each one seems to have a league. Each league has between 8-12 teams. My league has 8 teams. Last year we had two leagues in this building. This year I had a hard time just getting 8. That’s due to a lot of transfers to Soledad State Prison. I am told the North yards of that prison is being turned over to SNY. And the yard I’m on here is being turned into a mental health yard. Good luck with that. The mental health care here, at PVAP, is so lacking as to be non-existent. I mean there is a “Mental Health” office on the yard. It is not staffed. Has a few odd bits of furniture in it. The whole thing is like a store front film prop—looks good from the outside, but nothing behind the door. All that is for another time. Besides we get more use of practical social skills by playing fantasy football. A person has to be responsible and put in a team roster every week. A person (owner of a team) has to interact with other men to do player trades and drops/pick-ups. Also, it gives the guys who are playing something to talk about other than prison stuff or trying to think of things to stop the boredom. Right now we spend more than half our normal program time locked down. Most of the time it’s due to staff shortages—so we are told. As a result, all of us in cells spend lots of time reading, as I do; watching TV, as a lot of guys do. Some work out in the tiny cells. I figured out a way to do crunches off the edge of my bed. They kill my abs! The key to cell/prison living is to stay active. I have a very bad back from a car accident. So if the pain pills I take don’t knock some of the pain out—I just want to lie in bed. That’s what I used to do. Now I force myself to do crunches and squats and of course push-ups. I have found that the prison Medical doesn’t give a shit if I or any other man in here is in pain or dies. So it’s up to each individual con to push medical for what they need. And those poor uneducated cons just suffer because either they don’t know how or aren’t able to file a medical appeal to get proper care. I try to help those guys, there are just so many. It gets so damn depressing. I just have to get my mind off it. So like I said, I read, work out and now a new season of fantasy football. Just anything to keep my mind off the suffering and bullshit that goes on in here. Because I know some men that just won’t leave their cells—except to eat and shower. They each have their own reasons or reason. I know one fellow who says he just can’t stand to be around all the assholes outside his cell. Yep, there are a lot of jerks and assholes in prison, but this is where we are so I say learn to cope with it, because there are assholes outside the prison walls, too—how are you going to deal with them??? Well, at least I talked him into playing fantasy football. Maybe I’ll be a social worker if I get out. I don’t know, I just don’t like to see others suffer. Maybe it’s my way of atoning for the fucked up shit I did to other people. Because I did some bad things and they never leave me. I feel like Marley’s ghost in Dickens “A Christmas Carol”. The business partner who had to wear a bunch of chains and weights around him for eternity. I already wear the mental burdens of my misdeeds. I’ve tried to atone and help others but there’s only so much a person can do in a small cell. That’s one big reason I write this blog. Yes, most of what I write about is how screwed up the prison system is. But, it seems to me that just because a man or woman is in prison it does not mean that the guards can just do what they want. That’s why I also write because there is so much wrong in here it starts to be viewed as right. And it must be told. To the reader, please give me some feedback. I want to know what you think. All for now, With Respect, Veritas